The Ladies Man is the womanizer, the Wolf. He is deeply interested in women. Unlike the Guy’s Guy, he puts woman at #1 on his list of earthly desires. The Ladies Man is on constant lookout for some action – some female interaction. Perhaps wolf is the wrong metaphor, because the Ladies Man is more like a bumble bee flitting from flower to flower in relentless search of precious honey.
What exactly does the Ladies Man want? Well, that depends on what type of Ladies Man he is – a woman lover or a woman hater. Many Ladies Men are looking to “score,” to conquer women, to prove themselves desirable. Some are looking for excitement simply for the release of pent up sexual energy created by their heightened testosterone levels. The motivations of other Ladies Men are more harmful. Consider these traits of woman lovers and haters:
– Fascinated by women
– Attracted to their beauty
– Intrigued by their natures
– Obsessed with sex for pleasure
– Great company, good listener
– Helps women “blossom”
– Roving eye
– Loves many women at once
– Hates to be hurtful, but cannot commit
– Mostly cares about control and domination
– Wants women under his spell
– Women’s adoration is his ego gratification.
– Likes to be hurtful
– Fundamentally incapable of trust
– Deep seated anger beneath the charm
– Can be abusive
In both cases, the Ladies Man is not likely to be monogamous – at least not for long. He wants to experience all the fruits of the female orchard. Whether he is trying to “conquer” you to satisfy his male ego, or just driven by insatiable curiosity, most likely he won’t be satisfied with just one girl for very long. He’ll say, “There are billions of women on this planet; how could I settle for just one?” He might entertain ideas of marriage and children, but that means sometime in the hazy distant future. Right now, he wants to sow his wild seeds.
The Ladies Man is the most seductive type we’ve discussed so far, because his interest in you is genuine and his attention to you is rapt. He wants to know all about you, and he’s truly engaged in your conversations. He’s very smooth, sharing your interests, having long, serious talks about whatever is important to you. (He’s reading you like a book to figure out what makes you tick.) All in all, he seems like a great catch. That, of course, is the irony: he cannot be caught – at least not easily. Asking the Ladies Man to be in a monogamous relationship is like asking a butterfly or bumblebee to stick with one flower. Ladies Man wants to “pollinate” as many yonis as possible.
When you find yourself are being charmed by a dynamic, funny, sweet talking guy who appears very “into” you, remember two important things about the Ladies’ Man.
- He’s very likely trying to snatch your bootie.
- It probably won’t be very long before he gets preoccupied with finding a new book to read, flower to pollinate, bootie to snatch…
The Ladies’ Man allows himself to get only so close to you; if he starts getting closer, he pulls away. It is useful to think of a bull’s eye – the center of the bull’s-eye signifies the guy most likely to let himself get truly close to you. That’s the Truly Good Guy, about whom I will have more to say shortly. The Ladies Man is better than the other types of guys, but I predict he generally will pull away from you just when you feel that the two of you are really growing close.
The Ladies’ Man can be a lot of fun – considerably more than the other types we discussed thus far – so long as you understand whom/what you’re dealing with, and you don’t get overly committed. When you’re in your earlier man-dating years, the Ladies’ Man can be an ideal friend and lover, provided he’s the Woman Lover and not the Woman Hater. He’ll be a great partner for dates, road trips, just hanging out with friends. He’ll be an attentive lover because your approval will be important to him. If you’re having trouble becoming orgasmic, count on a Ladies’ Man to devote himself to your noble cause. But, again, don’t be surprised to see his eyes and heart wander to other females just when you thought things were really starting to click.
Even when the Ladies’ Man feels the need to move on, he’ll probably have trouble letting you go. There likely will be many breakups and reconciliations. It’s not that he’s completely selfish, it’s just that he really does appreciate and perhaps even love you. It might be equally if not more difficult for you to shake off the wandering Ladies’ Man. You’ll be utterly blinded by the perceived potential for a long-term relationship and find yourself wishing and hoping, despite consistent feedback from your friends saying, “Move on!”
You might think I am exaggerating, but the Ladies Man can be awfully difficult to rid yourself of. I know, because I was such a guy, and I caused my fair share of emotional distress to women who deserved better. They loved me because I truly cared for them and treated them well – when I was with them. Unfortunately, I always had one wandering eye and was looking for another flower to pollinate. At some points, I was like the guy in the circus who has all the spinning plates on poles, and he runs from one set of plates to another, spinning and spinning. It can be exhausting for everyone involved – especially on holidays like Valentines Day!
So, how should you cope with the ambivalence you feel when you’re hooked on a Ladies’ Man who wants to play the field? If you will agree to date “non-exclusively” (meaning you each can have multiple dates, partners, lovers concurrently), you can hang with the Ladies’ Man. You might have to “play some games” and be intentionally unavailable from time to time to keep him hooked and respectful. I advise against just going along blindly, waiting by the phone, taking second or third place, because that can become a downward spiral, where you end up being his fall-back, call of last resort. You’ll need to set limits on your availability and keep a clear image of what the Ladies’ Man is all about. Wishful thinking won’t work!
There will definitely come a time when you need to cut all ties with the Ladies’ Man, probably after he runs you through the gauntlet of broken dreams and dashed hopes. How best can you do this, especially if he continues to come calling with his genuine concern, wit, and affection? This will be a lot easier when you’re in your thirties and your biological clock is ticking, but it can be very, very difficult for younger gals who can’t get the Ladies’ Man out of their thoughts.
As with other pernicious habits, you’ll need to go cold turkey. Cut off all ties – no calls, texts, chat, emails, snail mail, chance meetings, slow dances at parties, etc., etc. NADA, nothing, ZIP! When/if the Ladies’ Man continues to dominate your waking thoughts, you’ll need to use the “broken record” technique on yourself. Counter every longing with the same thought. “He’s a good guy, but he cannot give me what I need. “ Say it a zillion times, until it sinks in or somebody else comes along.
You might be tempted to jump right into another relationship to take your mind off the Ladies’ Man. I guess it is worth a try, but it might backfire. You might continuously compare your new guy to the Ladies’ Man, and end up wishing wistfully for his attention and affection. A better idea might be to throw yourself into other activities you have enjoyed over the years that let you mix it up with larger groups of people. This gets you out of your lonely space, where the demons of lost romance will haunt you. The more active you are, the less likely your mind is to wander to your fun times with the Ladies’ Man.