The Teen Girls’ Guide to Guys, Sex, and Relationships…by Keenan Wilde

The Guys’ Guy

There is a joke going around that encapsulates the Guys’ Guy. In his girlfriend’s diary entry for the day are several long pages about how aloof and distant the guy was all through dinner. She wondered if the relationship was over, did he have another lover, had she hurt him somehow, and so on. But, surprisingly they had passionate sex later, she felt close to him for a time, and then he grew distant and went to sleep. She was in turmoil and needed to talk to her best friend about it (which they no doubt did for an extended period). Did he still love her? Was their relationship falling apart? Was he in some kind of trouble?

The guy’s entry in his diary is much shorter: “Played like crap on the golf course today, and the Sharks lost at the buzzer, but at least I got laid tonight.”

The Guys’ Guy is the textbook, testosterone-driven caveman who morphed into the twenty first century as the red-blooded, meat and potatoes American male. You know the guy. He has passion for some combination of sports, working out, video games, computer technology, music, cars, motorcycles, and TV. Hanging out with his bros is a major, major priority. Women are third or fourth on his list of interests, and they primarily serve as the sole source of valuable and much appreciated nookie. He doesn’t actually have a good handle on how to relate to the complexities of women, but he does have an adequate sense of how to go through the motions well enough to keep one around.

This guy is basic and easy to read. He does not say much, and he likes to keep things simple. With the Guys’ Guy, you often wonder if you have his full attention. Heck, you might wonder if he even has full attention. There is plenty of research suggesting that the male brain, while 10% larger than the female, does not simultaneously light up all over the place like the female brain. There also is less communication between the two hemispheres of the male brain. So, perhaps we safely can extrapolate that men are less complicated than women. This certainly is true on the emotional front. Don’t bother expecting the Guys’ Guy to engage in lengthy and moving discussions about how he feels about things. He can probably describe his feelings in a few words or a short phrase – and then he’s done with it. If you try to delve into an emotional sore spot regarding him or someone else, he is likely to advise you to get over it and move on with your life. If you want to talk on and on, he most likely will tune you out and mumble “uh-huh” a lot.

But this does not imply that Guy’s Guys are dumb. Some are and some are not. Some are very sharp, focused, and successful. Some are brilliant. However, these guys are literal. They won’t spend much energy contemplating the enduring mysteries of life, love, and the hereafter. Likewise, the Guy’s Guy won’t ruminate on what you mean to him. When you are not around, he probably won’t think much about you. Don’t take it personally; it does not mean he does not love you or care about you, in his way. The Guy’s Guy simply does not make a very compelling leading man in the steamy romance novel of your fantasies.

Nevertheless, being involved emotionally with a Guy’s Guy can be liberating for you, provided you understand exactly what you are getting into. Since he is not worrying about you, you don’t need to worry about him. You’ll have plenty of opportunity to pursue your many other interests and spend time with your girl friends – who will give you the emotional support, rapt attention, and long talks that he never will. If you can take him as you find him, and like him the way he is, the Guy’s Guy offers an honest, dependable – if sometimes predictably boring – relationship.

Under no circumstances should you plan on changing the Guy’s Guy. You might think he could be ideal for you “if only” he would…blah, blah, blah. Put that possibility out of your mind! Because he sees things simply, he gets pretty set in his views and in his ways. The phrase “often wrong, but never in doubt” comes to mind, but maybe that is unfair. He considered things and made up his mind, and that is that. This applies to politics, religion, marriage, social issues, raising children, career matters….you name it. He likely will become set in his ways at an early age, so either appreciate those ways, or find another guy.

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