The Teen Girls’ Guide to Guys, Sex, and Relationships…by Keenan Wilde

Orgasms really complicate life. If there were no such thing as orgasms, there probably would be no overpopulation problems anywhere in the world. Sex would be as hot a topic as doing your laundry. Pornographers (more about this topic later) would be begging for business. Internet sex chat rooms would be empty. Guys would think with their brains instead of their dicks. Infidelity (cheating on your mate) would be virtually non-existent. Men and women probably wouldn’t talk to each other all that much. Orgasms feel so good that folks just have to have them, despite all the sexual risks we will discuss another time. People, especially guys, obsess about orgasms. Sure, they obsess about their own orgasms, and they also obsess about yours. Did you have one? Was it big? How many did you have? Was it the best one you ever had?

The dictionary defines an orgasm as “the peak of sexual excitement, characterized by strong feelings of pleasure and by a series of involuntary contractions of the muscles of the genitals, usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen by the male.”  Some people prefer to use the word climax as both a noun and a verb to describe orgasms. It is also called coming, or to come, as in, “Did you come?” and “I am coming now!” It can be a noun, too, as sometimes the guy’s sperm and the gal’s vaginal secretions during orgasm are called cum. (Some folks will be offended by this word, so use it judiciously.) The term probably originated from the feeling of anticipation you get as the excitement builds up and you feel something big coming.

In one sense, coming is the payoff for all the activity of sex. It is like the climax of a play or a movie…the big moment the story builds up to. Your bodies’ cells and your minds interact and intermingle until your nervous systems convulse in a powerful, delightful explosion. When you both do it at the same time it is called mutual or simultaneous orgasms. They really are fun. They can be wonderful strictly from the perspective of how good it feels to your bodies, and, ideally, they can involve a sense of trust and closeness with your partner that is nourishing to your very soul.

Guys and gals have completely different orgasms. For guys, it is a feeling like a freight train starts rumbling somewhere inside behind their woody (is it the nerves around the prostate gland?), and the pressure builds up intensely and culminates – often within a few seconds – into a series of spasms that send the sperm and semen flowing from inside, out through his shaft in a series of spurts. If he’s lucky, the whole ball of orgasmic energy might span from his thighs up to his chest. Most likely, he is moaning or groaning. Heck, maybe his eyeballs even bug out for a few seconds. Then, just as suddenly, it subsides with a last few minor spasms. His wanger (usually) grows limp and flaccid and maybe shrinks in size – at least for a while. He might even want to roll over and fall asleep within a few minutes – this is an odd biological imperative, don’t you think?

While male orgasms are pretty terrific, they are “nothing to write home about” when compared with female orgasms. Females are capable of gangbuster orgasms that rock their whole bodies for seemingly endless moments. I therefore find it curious that males are so obsessed with sex and orgasms, while women often seem only mildly interested in the subjects. Of course, women justifiably have to be more concerned about pregnancy, STDs, what people will say, their periods, whether their hair and makeup will get messed up, and whether the guy will still respect them in the morning. I guess if it weren’t for the possibility of those gangbuster female orgasms, guys would never get any bootie.

I know, I know – I sound jaded and cynical here. People are supposed to have sex with partners they love, not with just anyone who will help them “climax” with style. Ideally, this is so, and perhaps love is the major motivator for women as a group. They are more interested in love than sex, and they appreciate sex primarily as a vehicle for sharing and expressing love. In that case, those gangbuster orgasms are just an added incentive to accommodate the male obsession with sex for its own sake.

So let’s talk a bit about female orgasms. Obviously, I never had one, and I am not consulting any research texts here. I have witnessed more than my share, though, and I like to think I contributed in a meaningful way to their occurrences. In my experience, there are three general types of female orgasms: clitoral orgasms, vaginal orgasms, and “posty O’s”.   (More to come, next time!)

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